The Morning Line ...

by Ed (Nicely-Nicely) Feldman

Track: Chestnut Hill Downs
Conditions: Ridiculous

Horse - Trainer - Finish - Odds
Phil (in the blank) LeCalsey - CHCA - Out of the Money - 5-3
History/Tip: In what will be termed as a cost cutting move, Phil's race card will now be filled by efficient and less expensive filly Noreen Spota. Phil's partner, Pat Moran, said he was "appalled" by the '08 election. Pat's comments apparently did not sit well with head trainer Dina "the (you fill in this one, kids)" Hitchcock, and Pat was recently scratched from the executive committee and has resigned from the entire CHCA race season.

Horse - Stable - Trainer - Finish - Odds
Pete's Hope - Local - CHCA/Snowden - August - Even Money
History/Tip: Pete bit Snowden back in '01 and Richard's memory is Legendary. Discussions now center around whether Pete should be put down or be allowed to continue to race, if he responds well to the bridle. "Richard the Dick" is holding fast to the former. Those who care about appearances want to keep him on, in order to seem humanitarian to the larger racing community. But Pete has a stable mate now, and he's being groomed to step up in class.

Horse - Trainer - Finish - Odds
Larry "the Hoch" berger - CHCA - Win - Even Money
History/ Tip: At the May stable meeting, your humble handicapper asked Larry if, during discussions about his new job with board members, he was asked if he could take over editorial duties at the Local. He said he was asked "hypothetically" if he could. Then, backing up like a quarter horse, added that he wasn't asked to "do it", but only if "he could" That's good enough for me Lar! You see, Larry's feed is more than his trainers' budget allows at present.

Part of Larry's job, as jockey Mark Keintz stated at the same meeting, was to find ways for the paper to save money. What better way than to take Pete's reigns and take the daily double all by yourself! After the meeting, Pete asked me how I knew to ask Larry that question. I told him that it was an obvious one, but what tipped me off was junior stable boy Bob Rossman's effusive introduction of the new associate publisher. In a two minute speech, Bob said that Larry's job would be to "oversee all aspects of the Local EXCEPT THE EDITORIAL DEPARTMENT" four different times.

As well known tout of yore Willie Shakes might have said, "methinks that gent doth protest too much" and I wanted the real feedbox noise.

Horse - Co-Trainers - Finish - Odds
Earl of Snowden - Cotiga/ Andorra Stables - When the Coal Runs Out - Very
History/Tip: Always bides his time and usually comes from behind. Long shot for Stud. Has unlimited feed money. Next race; Height variances to be run through committees without notifiying neighbors on WestGravers. Luckily, any opposition in the field has been told to clear the track for an open run to the finish line. Only possible opposition comes from Pete's Hope, who may be scratched by then. This handicapper is still trying to run down rumors about some recent geldings that are taking place at the Local's Stables. Could P. H. now be a soprano?

That's all I have time for now race fans! Remember to watch where you step, 'cause it sure gets piled high around where the thoroughbreds roam!