Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Oh Well, I Guess I'll Write about Her Too-by Ed( No,it's not about you, Richard) Feldman

I feel dirty writing this, and not in a good way. But since everyone else seems to have already written about her, and since it's so easy, and since I haven't read the thoughts that I will share with you now (although I wouldn't be surprised if they had been written already), I guess, well, here goes. But my heart isn't in it. But I won't mention Her Name, and that will make me feel less like a Bandwagoneer.

Yes, Her, why is she popular at all? Is it because she's everything that Obama is not? She is that. She's a woman, she's white, she speaks without thinking, she lives without thinking, and she works the media like Carrie Prejean works her..... See, I told you that my heart wasn't in it. I didn't even try to come up with an amusing euphemism for clitoris.

To compare the Divine One with Miss "Jesus says my implants are okay-and so are my fingers and this zuchini" is already a tired metaphor. They both are famous for the way people get famous these days, which is confusing to those who remember the old way.

Not for excellence, but for getting on the fame merry-go-round through a series of embarassing failures, then not succumbing to the natural inclination to hide in the rec room til everyone forgets, but rather figuring out ways of not falling off. That is a talent in itself, albeit one that is practiced, for a shorter time periods, by the Fulbright Candidates who reveal their man-tits on the Jerry Springer Show.

So to get minutes over your fifteen, the outrageous ways one must continue to present oneself in order to keep the cameras from finding other subjects, may just reveal a Savant-ish talent in our Gemini-like former beauty queens.

Because if either of them suddenly started acting reasonable; if Miss California Pussy Fingers suddenly went on a Church Mission to teach less advantaged Third World Women to be proficient in activities that would keep their hands occupied during the extended periods of time the male villagers were out hunting game (and keep her away from the TMZ Paps), or if the Rogueish One were to lock herself away in a room and begin to read all those books and newspapers she once claimed knowledge of, long enough to emerge with the ability to anwer a question involving a fact, well then, where would the entertainment value be in that?

No, our culture has had it with fame having anything to do with excellence or achievement or hard work. We like our celebrities to be train wrecks. It's so much more interesting, you know, ugly but you can't turn away. We like 'em big and stupid. Better for our self esteem too.

Look on the positive side. The fact that clown shows like these occupy our news time signals a return to pre-911 America, when it was all about OJ, Oval Office BJ's and Shark Attacks. Remember? We all had money then.

Even the attacks on Obama for bowing, or not bowing, or being a Commie, or a Nazi, have the elements of farce that we haven't experienced since a they tried to impeach that guy because of a dry cleaning issue.

Until someone takes a shot at him, of course. Anybody got the over-under on that one?

Fame is some weird shit. And staying famous is so much easier when you don't have to waste valuable time practicing a talent or craft or reading and studying. Then all you have to do is to work on staying famous.

Paris Hilton is more famous than any Hollywood Actress, and the only skill I've seen her demonstrate would only rate a B+ on my scale. Tilt your head back Hon, you'll be able to go deeper.

It may be against the law to shout "Fire" in a crowded theater, but it sure gets everyone to notice you. Just ask me.

But there is a substantive similarity between the Killa from Wasilla and Miss Born-Again-Porn-Again.

They occupy a position vital to the continued self delusion that is a cornerstone of the ethos of "social conservatives". The reason for that name is because the Media that coined it did not want to alienate potential customers by calling them what I do.

White Trash. Bohunks. Munyaks. Sky Jockeys. Renaissance Deniers. The folks who think the End is Near because the Democrats and Jews and Queers and Niggers have all gotten together to loose the plagues of Sodom on the Greatest Country the Giant White Man who lives in the Sky ever Created.

All the Evils of Society have been created by the Liberalism that made beating your kids illegal and all the other Commie-Based Nanny-State interferences that killed John Wayne and replaced him with Ryan Seacrest.

Yet all the while they Lament the moral slide to Perdition that they assume started with Alan Alda, this same John Hagy-watching demographic; squeezes out bastard children by the carload, produces all of our nations' methamphetimine, supplies every single actress in Porn (have you ever listened to them talk?-They ain't from the Upper West Side) and takes care of those in need of help in the States they control with the indifference that would drown them in the Tears of Their Savior, if He existed.

Denial is Mothers Milk to these Good People. Without it, they would have to admit what us Godless Liberals take for granted. That what you call Sin is fun, that we like it and it won't doom us. That it predates you belief system, and only became a problem when some power trippers needed a reason to market that system to help them get a handle on controlling some of your ancestors, the gullible of yore, and make a few bucks.

It worked, just like Ring-Around-the-Collar started getting people to pay for extra for Wisk, a powdered detergent mixed with the magic ingredient of water.

It takes someone with Balls of Iron to sell nonsense like that. It takes someone who can deny the truth when everyone can see it on the JumboTron.

It takes the kind of person who can accuse Her opponents of moral laxity while Her knocked-up, unmarried, teenage daughter stands right behind her.

It takes someone who vetted her future son-in-law with the same diligence as She was and now blames him for making a living, just as She is, off the national Joke you both played on all of us. At least he didn't use a body double for his cash-in. I know, writing the book yourself would have taken away important "twitter-time".

It takes someone with "social conservative" version of Denial that the Neo-Cons use when extolling that fact that there hasn't been an attack since, uh, you know, uh, 2001.
Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the Play?

The best defense is more of everything that got you famous already. Meaning is meaningless when the lights are all on you. Work it Girl!

Lil' Eddie

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