Thursday, June 10, 2010

Happy Fathers Day

I'm three for three kids! As more people learn about the Pinter play known locally as the CHCA board of Directors, they back away, like passers-by viewing an epileptic seizure on a busy sidewalk. Metaphor mania!

Dysfunctional? Undisciplined? Ruthless? But effective, right? Guess again Bunky. Because my winning streak coincides with the boards' losing one. Not surprising, since they concern the same events.

Let's go to the video tape.

First up, the long awaited PA Attorney General's Report, finding the local zoo inmates in violation of state fund raising laws, fining them, and putting them an official watch list. All out of an investigation that I participated in, after which I badgered the other investigators to call in the sheriff. The CHCA wiggled and squirmed, but they got hooked anyway. Ballard Spahr's star Jeanne Hemphill couldn't fix it. Look out Lower Merion School District. B.S. is representing them too.

Next up, the Good Food Market. All I wanted there was a defeat of the CHCA and their "all business-all the time" attitude regarding the 'hood. The letter of support the board sent to the Zoning board, all the influence they thought they needed to produce, was not enough, as near neighbors, and the Chestnut Hill Residents Association actually showed up at the hearing, and defeated the one aspect of the GFM's business plan that they objected to, one that the CHCA could not concern itself with. Not pro-business, you see.
Crybabies that they are, they cried foul about the near neighbors being helped by some local pols, including Councilwoman Donna Reed Miller, always a reasonably priced ally." Not fair " cried Greg Welch and others.

But Greggie and Walter and the rest of the Caucasian Talk Circle must have had a miraculous change of heart about such unfair tactics, because this time, concerning near neighbors v, Fresenius, a dialysis center,-like the GFM, a business on a residential street-the CHCA came loaded for bear. And holding a political Ace that they said was cheating when used by their opponents.
More than a half dozen board members showed up. And this time, they had a letter of support from the same D.R. Miller. President Walter Sullivan even came to lend his smoke machine prose to the applicants' cause. But this rare show of force outside the friendly confines of their clubhouse didn't mean shit.

The near neighbors presented their case, again a small objection concerning hours of operations, specifically the option to increase those hours in the future. The CHCA Laissez Faire Society couldn't be bothered with compromising with such business haters. The rubber stamp had already been inked up and used.

But they lost again. After hearing near neighbors, and from a Chestnut Hill Residents Association Member, the City Zoning Board made its decision. Leave the hours as is. Victory-Near Neighbors. Defeat CHCA-Again.

If that wasn't embarrassing enough to the CHCA, who came with a lawyer, Rob "Muscles" Remus, Bob "Young Republican" Rossman and others, dig this.

After a mouthpiece named Pincus-I'm talkin' like John Garfield here-tried to compare the proposed biz to the CVS-which is ON the Avenue, and got nowhere- he attempted to introduce President Foghorn Himself, the Voice of God, who would Save the Day for the Representatives of Hill Business and their fans-the dozen or so Hillers who haven't read the Wikipedia entry recounting all I have already told you about these clowns.

But poor Walter never got to speak. The Zoning Chairwoman stopped him before he wound up his seven day clock of ambulance chaser bullshit.

"I don't need to hear any more" she said, stopping Mister President in his torpid tracks.

There is no truth to the rumor that I had e-mailed her some of Walters' You Tube Marathon Soliloquies I have recorded for your amusement. The reason they always ask me if I have any recording devices on me when I come to meetings now.-Too bad- It's a public meeting, I can record it if I want to.

But I did call the near neighbors after the last, eye-opening-for-them-board meeting,and put them in touch with the Residents Association-for the support of an organization not in the pocket of anyone with something bright to dangle. Like a silver dollar.

Yeah, I worked behind the scenes again, as I have been doing for some time-Thwarting the Mediocrities at every turn, all in my spare time. Its really not hard.

Most of my advice boils down to a very simple bit of advice:
Just stand up to them. They have nothing on their side except the acquiescence of those whom they profess to represent.

But that's all changing-Isn't it?

Ed (Who's Your Daddy?)Feldman

4 Comments:

Blogger Ed Feldman said...

Proof read update-Paragraph 3, first sentence "and putting them on an official watch list'

Last full paragraph, first sentence-cut out one of the "advices"

Thu Jun 10, 10:15:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ed, who the fuck do yoy represent?
The women in the diaper?

Fri Jun 11, 08:09:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Eddie said...

1. I represent all those who see the board as an embarrassing joke, to be avoided, ridiculed and/or defeated, depending on ones personal energy level- This group, by the CHCA's own membership numbers, holds a 5 to 1 majority in 19118.

2. Stay anonymous, if only to save your ex-English teachers embarrassment. You couldn't even get one fucking sentence right.

3. I don't get the diaper reference.

4. Thanks for you faithful readership.

I love you-Ed

Sat Jun 12, 11:52:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Bunky Fudson said...

Ed,I think you would have a different opinion if you were in kidney failure. I hear a strip club is looking at the site. See you there!
Bunky

Sun Jun 13, 08:23:00 PM EDT  

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